Monday, January 26, 2009

8 Things You Probably Didn't Know About New Browns GM George Kokinis

1. He doesn't celebrate Columbus Day.

2. He hates his first name and if given the choice would rather be a "Derek."

3. Is an avid tank top enthusiast.

4. Has never actually touched a football.

5. Has a lower back tattoo that reads "You Wish."

6. In college he had an internship with the "Little Debbie" company.

7. Combs his hair an average of 42 times a day.

8. His favorite Destiny's Child song is "Bug a Boo."

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Presidential Choices

Today's inauguration of President Barack Obama is the mark of new era in America. And with the theme of "change" in mind, some of Cleveland's most popular sports figures were recently given the chance to answer the following question: What would be your first course of action as the 44th President of the United States?

Travis Hafner: I'd officially change the national anthem from the "Star Spangled Banner" to "Mother" by Danzig.

Hank Fraley
: I'd make it legal to shoot and or stab a person if you really really really don't like them and had a good reason why.

Brady Quinn: I'd issue a full Presidential pardon to my right hand. Then I'd walk around the mall and just slap weird looking people in the face.

Mo Williams: Government issued Snuggies. I got one for Christmas and it changed my life -- I think every American should have one.

Eric Mangini: I'd get rid of the NFL playoff system, because in the end, it proves nothing.

Wally Szczerbiak: Citizens with last names that begin with four consonant become eligible to receive social security at age 31.

Josh Cribbs: I'd create a new position in my cabinet -- Secretary of Awesome -- and offer it to either Keanu Reeves or that guy who hosts "Man vs. Wild."

Tuesday, January 13, 2009


When I lie my head down to sleep and shut my eyes for the night, I'm usually welcomed by 5 images. These faint illustrations flash into my mind without warning and I count on them to help me rest. They are comforting. They are warming. And most of all, they are awesome.

My first 4 "shut eye images" are nothing out of the ordinary -- things most good natured Midwestern folks probably think of. In no particular order, they are:

1. Time lapse footage of a Rubik's Cube being put together.

2. A million of the brightest stars in the galaxy forming a constellation of Dennis Quaid's grinning face.

3. A burning Fender Stratocaster guitar being played by a reptile/human hybrid.

4. Myself cruising around out West in a Ferrari made out of strawberry Fruit Roll-ups.

Then today I saw the following pictures on the Internet and almost freaked my seat:

That's my number 5! When I close my eyes at night I see these exact images!

Now I know this is just some commercial shoot for a fancy shoe or beverage, but I can't help feeling like LeBron has Freddy Kruger powers and is invading my thoughts. Either way, I'm going to start thinking about Wally Szczerbiak in a Pistons uniform a lot more often.