Tuesday, August 12, 2008

The Cleveland Browns Fan Code of Conduct

The NFL recently implemented a fan code of conduct aimed to curb unruly behavior that "detracts from the gameday experience." The new code officially puts a ban on things like foul or abusive language, harassing opposing team's fans, and throwing objects onto the field.

Besides adhering to the broad league laws, each individual team has the option of adding their own provisions where they see fit. Below are the additional "fan rules" the Cleveland Browns will employ for the 2008 season:

--Fans who insist on wearing a Tim Couch or Charlie Frye jersey to the stadium are required to manually adjust the print on the clothing from Couch to "ouch" and Frye to "Frye'd."

--Enthusiastic fans are allowed to high five strangers only if said stranger is of age and consenting. Before the hand slap takes place both parties must sign a wavier and agree on the speed and force of their arm movement (waivers can be found at any stadium information booth and at all area Cleveland Browns team shops).

--If a spontaneous "Here we go Brownies" chant erupts amongst a group of fans you are in close proximity to, you are allowed to ignore and remain silent during the "woof, woof" section up to four times. Upon the fifth you will be escorted from the stadium.

--Ponytails (on men), in any form, are now banned from Cleveland Browns Stadium.

--If you are able to swallow your own vomit without considerable drippage, you will be awarded with a raffle ticket. At the end of the game your ticket will be entered into a drawing where you will have the opportunity to win an official Cleveland Browns refrigerator magnet.

--Fans are not permitted to remove their shirts at any point during the season until temperatures reach below 20 degrees.

--During the game, each fan is allotted a strict 3 minutes to publicly discuss any of the developments regarding their fantasy football team. Last call for bragging about your running backs and recent waiver transactions will be 8 minutes into the 4th quarter.

--If during your visit to Cleveland Browns Stadium you should encounter "Big Dawg" John Thompson, please refrain from looking him directly in the eyes. If you find yourself in a situation where you must speak to him, stare down to the tops of your feet, cross your arms behind your back, and begin every sentence with "Mr. Dawg sir."

5 comments:

Joel said...

Well done; loved the vomit one, probably because it's true and I've seen it.

Yuck.

Anonymous said...

"The new code officially puts a ban on things like foul or abusive language, harassing opposing team's fans, and throwing objects onto the field."

So this means that throwing opposing team's fans ONTO the field is out of the question, or does a double negative = a positive?

zb

Jameson said...

Swing and a miss!

Sargent said...

"If during your visit to Cleveland Browns Stadium you should encounter "Big Dawg" John Thompson"

Bone lady was robbed.

The Bitter Producer said...

Cleveland's fans are just an unruly pack of wild animals -- That is why they need these rules
:-P