C.C. Sabathia Explains Why He's Moving to Milwaukee to the Old Lady in his Apartment Building Who Knows Nothing About Baseball

C.C. Sabathia: Hi Miss Royer, how are you?

Miss Royer: Oh Carsten, how are you sweetie?

Sabathia: I'm good, I just wanted to--

Miss Royer: I'm glad you dropped by, could you manage to open this can of ham for me?

(Sabathia pulls back lid of ham and hands it to Miss Royer).

Sabathia: Miss Royer, I just wanted to stop in to say goodbye to you. I'm going to be moving to Milwaukee tomorrow morning.

Miss Royer: What? Milwaukee? When are you coming back?

Sabathia: Well, I don't think coming back.

Miss Royer: Carsten, why would you do such a thing?

Sabathia: Well, the baseball team I play for here in Cleveland actually traded me to another team up in Wisconsin. So, I gotta go play for them now.

Miss Royer: A baseball team traded you? But what about your job here in Ohio? What will you do for money?

Sabathia: (laughing) Well, the baseball team in Milwaukee will pay me Miss Royer. Just like the one here in Cleveland did.

Miss Royer: Huh? But I thought you worked over at the Ford plant full time. Don't you just play ball with the other neighborhood boys for fun -- like on the weekends?

Sabathia: No, I play full time. It's kind of my job.

Miss Royer: (struggling with another can of unopened ham) Honey, can you open this one for me too?

Sabathia: Sure.

(Sabathia opens ham and hands it back).

Miss Royer: Now, what does the team in Milwaukee have that Cleveland doesn't?

Sabathia: Well, they've won a few more games this season. Plus, I'll get to hit the ball now.

Miss Royer: Carsten, the team here can't be good every year. Why don't you tough it out a while longer. You like it here, don't you?

Sabathia: I do. But Cleveland actually doesn't have enough money to pay me.

Miss Royer: (opening her check book) Oh come on now, if you're having money problems you should have let me known. I can help fill in the gaps and give you a few hot meals if it means you'll stay close by. What kind of salary are you looking for anyways?

Sabathia: 25 million dollars a year.

Miss Royer: (closes her check book) I think I just pooped my pants. How much did you say?

Sabathia: 25 million a year ma'am. Do you need to use the bathroom?

Miss Royer: No, I'm wearing a diaper, don't worry about it. Carsten, listen, I have to ask, are you hanging out with the Thompson boys down the street?

Sabathia: Huh? Who are the Thompson boys?

Miss Royer: They are druggies. They dope each other up and act all crazy. They bump organs with junkie tramps and say a bunch of crazy things like you right now.

Sabathia: No, no, I'm not doing drugs Miss Royer, I'm serious. You get paid a lot of money to play baseball.

Miss Royer: (struggling with a third can of ham) Can you?

Sabathia: Miss Royer, why are you opening so many cans of ham at once?

Miss Royer: I just figure -- while I have you here I might as well put your muscles to work. You're a good boy. And now -- your heading off to Minnesota to bounce balls for a billion dollars and I don't know what I'm going to do. You were the primary "canned ham opener" in my life.

Sabathia: Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. Hey, how about if I have my friend Casey stop by once a week to check up on you? He's great at opening hams. How would you like that?

(Sabathia hands Miss Royer the last can of opened ham).

Miss Royer: I guess that would be nice.

Sabathia: Alright Miss Royer, I have to go pack. It was nice talking with you and I'll be sure to send a postcard from Milwaukee.

Miss Royer: Be safe Carsten.