Tuesday, July 8, 2008

The Original #10

Former Cleveland Browns quarterback and conversation lightning rod (if your conversation was in 2002) Kelly Holcomb has retired from football.

Holcomb will forever represent a strange era of Cleveland Browns football. An argument could be made that he was the one player who took the Browns from an "expansion team" and transformed them into "one of the NFL's premiere mediocre teams."

During his tenure in Cleveland, Holcomb managed to dethrone a number 1 draft pick, throw for 500 yards every other game (at least it seemed that way) and spark one of the most spirited football debates in Cleveland.

And for the record, I will proudly admit I was a "Holcomb guy." Being one meant something back then. It stood for "progress", "righteousness" and "democracy." His counterpart, Tim Couch, clearly represented "regression", "communism" and "beating up old people." Kelly Holcomb simply proved you didn't have to be a highly drafted fancy face to start for the Cleveland Browns.

I am also partial to Holcomb because I still own a bottle of his signature barbecue sauce, unopened. Though Kelly is done playing football -- I'm convinced that one day the collectible sauce will be worth millions. The Kelly Holcomb I know will make his name relevant again -- he'll probably save a bunch of animals from a burning zoo or something.

I wanted to end this post with a music tribute to Kelly Holcomb but I just couldn't find the appropriate tune. Apparently no one has ever recorded a song entitled, "Thanks Kelly Holcomb, You Kind of Made the Browns Good for About a Year and a Half and Had Two or Three Totally Awesome Games but Then Jeff Garcia Came to Town and You Left."

Oddly enough, Nickelback does have a B-Side track called "Thanks Kelly Holcomb, You Kind of Made the Browns Good for About a Year and a Half and Andre King Really Should Have Gotten Out of Bounds On that Last Play in the 2002 Playoff Game Against Pittsburgh." However, I gave it a listen and it totally sucked.

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