Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Ebay Search: Cleveland Sports

Put on your best Internet shopping duds because it's time once again to "Shop Cleveland" on Ebay.

Up first we have a "game used" Steve Kerr warm-up outfit from his rookie year with the Cavaliers. If you want to touch what Steve touched (with his entire body) you're going to have to shell out a whopping $695. Now, I understand the sports memorabilia industry base their prices off only what people are willing to pay -- but $695? Really? Would you even pay $695 dollars to have diner with Steve Kerr? What about $100? I would maybe, and I mean maybe, pay 695$ if I got to shake Steve Kerr's hand once a day, everyday, for 1 year. But he'd have to at least dish some dirt on Larry Nance during 25% of our 365 handshake meetings.

Also, I really enjoy the photo accompanying this item. It looks like the seller murdered Steve Kerr face down and his dead body just evaporated away.

Up next we have a pair of officially licensed Cleveland Browns sunglasses with detachable strap. According to the seller this item is "perfect for gameday or EVERYDAY!"

I honestly don't know what kind of human being would purchase this item with unironic intentions. Oh wait, maybe I do...

EXT. -- CUYAHOGA COUNTY FAIR -- NIGHT

MAN WITH BROWNS SUNGLASSES (WITH STRAP), JEAN SHORTS, AND "STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN" T-SHIRT APPROACHES A GROUP OF TEENAGE GIRLS NEAR THE ELEPHANT EAR STAND.

SUNGLASSED MAN: Hello ladies, how are you on this fine summer night?

GIRL 1: Are you talking to us?

SUNGLASSED MAN: Why of course I am -- what's your name sweetheart?

GIRL 2: Dude, you're like 40 -- leave us alone.

SUNGLASSED MAN: You mind if I snag a piece of that crispy elephant ear?

GIRL 3: Yes, we do. And why are you wearing sunglasses anyway? It's 10pm.

SUNGLASSED MAN (touching his sunglasses and fiddling with the strap): These babies don't come off until I lie my head to slumber. They are part of my body, my soul. Anyway, I wanted to know if one of you sweet peaches wanted to dance.

GIRL 1: Dance? There's no music you freak, we're at a fair.

GIRL 2: Listen psycho, I'm about to call my boyfriend over here -- maybe you can ask him to dance.

SUNGLASSED MAN: Alright, I'm outta here. But please take my card, if you ever need a fax machine fixed, I'm your guy. Adios.

And finally, we have a can of Pepsi from 2000 featuring a Cleveland Lumberjacks "buy one, get one free" promotion.

This one just baffles me. Who's collection isn't complete without this? What is the seller, a person who goes by the name"brewdude", even thinking here. Eight years ago did "brewdude" actually plan on saving this can of Pepsi with an IHL promotion in hopes that it would become any sort of collectible? Maybe he just thought that highly of the now defunct Cleveland Lumberjacks. "Man, they are about to go on like a 5 year championship run guys. The Jacks are a dynasty in the making, you'll see. This can of Pepsi will be worth millions!"

4 comments:

And One said...

Who are you and why am I just hearing about this site? Post again - do it, do it!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

The conversation between Sunglassed Browns Man and the girls will go down as a DBR classic. Any chance we can make him a recurring character?

Todd S. said...

Recurring character is a great idea. I can see it now...

Sunglassed Browns Man joins a softball league.

Sunglassed Browns Man goes to Cedar Point.

Sunglassed Browns Man interviews for a babysitting job.

Sunglassed Browns Man order chicken wings from BW3's over the phone.

Anonymous said...

All great ideas, Todd. Let me throw one in the mix: Sunglassed (with strap) Browns man wins tickets to a Browns-Steelers game, in Pittsburgh, and is seated in the middle of their fans?