Saturday, May 24, 2008

Oneli Perez: Indians Prospect and Genetic Freak

While the Indians battle their way through an impressive 7 game losing streak, I figure there's no better time to take a look into the (hopefully) bright future of the Tribe. One pitching prospect in particular, Oneli Perez, is garnering a lot of attention as of late. He's a young right-handed relief pitcher, acquired from the White Sox, who features a nasty sinker-ball and won "Pitcher of the Year" in the Dominican Winter League. Perez looks to be a quality major league arm and could be a nice addition to Cleveland's dilapidated bullpen.

Oh yeah, and he has 12 fingers.

Yep, that's right, 6 digits on each hand! Personally, I find this to be extremely exciting news-- its not too often Cleveland fans are able to head to the ole' ballpark and cheer for a "man monster" on the mound. He's currently in Triple-A Buffalo but the way the Indians are playing this season he could get promoted to Cleveland sooner than later. Man, I just can't wait for "Oneli Perez Night" at Insurance Company Field -- attachable latex fingers for all kids under 12!

After learning about our future six fingered pitcher I decided to poke around the current roster and overall history of the Indians to see if some other players had any known physical abnormalities. What I found was pretty fascinating:

--Pitcher Aaron Laffey is double-jointed from the waist up.

--Outfielder Franklin Gutierrez has a death allergy to graham crackers

--Former Indians third baseman Travis Fryman was born with two necks

--Outfielder David Dellucci is actually a well-tanned albino

--Because of a rare heart condition, if Ryan Garko runs at a speed over 4 mph he will transport back in time 5 minutes

--At the age of nine, Indians manager Eric Wedge was involved in a vicious car accident where he sprained both wrists, broke 2 ribs and lost his sense of humor

--Former Indians pitcher Chad Ogea learned to pitch the same way Henry Rowengartner did

--Jim Thome has a baby dick

--Former Indians second baseman Shawn Dunston had the ability levitate 2 inches off the ground, much like street magician David Blaine does

--According to the Cleveland Indians media guide, Casey Blake hasn't moved his bowels in over 2 and a half years


The Bitter Producer said...

You're gonna need a lot more then a guy to 12 fingers to get Cleveland out of their slump :P

RockKing said...

Just found this site through your comments over at WFNY. I absolutely LOVE what you're doing here. I added you to our blogroll. Keep up the great work!

The Bitter Producer said...

sorry what i meant to say was...

You're gonna need a lot more then a guy with 2 extra fingers to get Cleveland out of their endless slump. Go Yankees! :D