Wednesday, September 24, 2008

The Most Awkward Elevator Ride in Cleveland Browns History

Berea, OH -- Cleveland Browns Training Facility/Complex -- Mid-Afternoon

A glum Derek Anderson stands alone in an elevator when the doors open to reveal a smiling Brady Quinn joking with a couple of teammates. Quinn, holding the current Browns playbook, enters the elevator and notices Anderson. His smile fades.

Quinn (hesitant): Hey.

Anderson (looking straight ahead): Hey.

Quinn: I can just catch the next one if--

Anderson: No, its fine. Where you heading?

Quinn: Top floor.

Anderson: Top floor? To see Coach Crennel?

Quinn: Yeah.

Anderson: What for?

Quinn: Some meeting with him and Scherer (quarterbacks coach).

Anderson: Huh? Why don't I know about this?


Quinn (noticing no other floors are lit): Where you getting off?

Anderson: Nowhere. I'm just riding -- trying to clear my head.

Silence. Quinn looks at his watch.

Anderson: So, how were my--I mean your-- snaps in practice today?

Quinn: Um, they were good -- I felt pretty sharp out there.

Anderson: Yeah, I bet you did.

Silence. Quinn scratches his forehead.

Quinn: You get a haircut?

Anderson: Man, I wish Notre Dame had like an 8-year football program. That way you'd still be there.


Anderson: I didn't mean that, I'm sorry.

Quinn: It's cool.

Silence. Quinn touches the brail below the "2" elevator button.

Quinn: Hey man, the first three games aren't entirely on your shoulders -- I just want you to know that.

Anderson: Who said they were?


Quinn: Boy, this sure is a slow elevator.


Elevator doors open. 3rd string quarterback Ken Dorsey is standing on the other side and blankly stares at both Quinn and Anderson.

Dorsey: I'll catch the next one.

Quinn: No, come on in, there's plenty--

Dorsey runs away and the doors shut.

Quinn: Hey, you see The Dark Knight yet? It was pretty awesome.

Anderson: We played three tough teams -- with three top-notch defenses. You really think you could have done better?

Silence. Quinn begins to whistle the theme song to "Step By Step."

Elevator doors open to top floor and Quinn steps out into hallway.

Anderson: Hey Brady.

Quinn turns around.

Quinn: Yeah?

Anderson: Just promise me one thing.

Quinn: What's that?

Anderson: Give me your word that every Sunday you'll do everything in your power to take care of my men.

Quinn: You know I will.

The doors begin to close. Anderson slumps his head down and throws up an open hand into the air. Doors shut.

1 comment:

Dan W said...

Anderson is done for.

By the way, did you know that Burba is an acronym for Bring Us Reliable Bullpen Assistance? True story.